Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
