i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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