If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
