just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
