And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
one might say we're banned from that church
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
