why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
