I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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