Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
