The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
