i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
