And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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