If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You are a genius and a whore.
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