So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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