Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
