i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
