im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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