I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
where are my eyebrows?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
