I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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