i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Of course I have a pirate flag
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
