I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
