she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i now understand why vodka
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If he isnβt into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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