I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
