I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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