We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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