i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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