I wannas sexs uuuuu
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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