she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you never un-have a 4some
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
