just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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