is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
