Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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