I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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