Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
