she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
