I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
