New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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