That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
