i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
