Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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