is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
