After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
