it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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