Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
