the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
