he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
