Screwed.edu
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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