no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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