Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
