he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
