Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
