shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
