i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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