its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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