I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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