i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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